Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
