Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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