I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
