so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize