She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
