If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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