Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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