yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
