Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
