Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
