i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
