the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
