You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
