I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
