Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
