Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
