I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
