I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
