I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
