i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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