ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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