that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
