If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
