I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You took a bar mat shot.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
