making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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