hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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