The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
