Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
