so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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