i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
where are you?
Hypothermia
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
