Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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