A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
