thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
