i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
