I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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