It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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