he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
