I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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