Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
