Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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