you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
