i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
