is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
