my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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