At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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