absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just pynch a tree in the face
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
