You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
