my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
