So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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