Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
me + whiskey = a bad person
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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