Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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