I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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