if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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