Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
