now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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