The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
