I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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