He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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