i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my poor anus
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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