she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
