Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
