i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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