Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
