Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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