I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
