Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
