I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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