no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He passed out mid-signature
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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