I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
