I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dignity is for republicans.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
