dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize