WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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