I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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