I wish my penis had an off switch
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had sex on a roof
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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