There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
