I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I bet he comes in French.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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