my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
