I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my poor anus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
