Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
