there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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