Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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