One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
