I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
