My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
