Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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