we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize