we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
