I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
