I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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