The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
