you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
