Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
