We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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