So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
