oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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