kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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