I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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