So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
