bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
