You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
