I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
