Sry I called you an 8
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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