I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
